Forewords: Written By Lady Yaz & executively produced by Dj Tuc
Since I've been
divorced, I have been on a few dates. Some have been great and some have been
not so great. Because of these experiences, I felt the need to encourage
my brothers and sisters, and give a few pointers on what NOT to do
when you are on a date with the opposite sex. Now, here's my disclaimer.
This article is not to bash men or women in any way. We all know that men and
women are not perfect by any means. We also know that because of various
circumstances, many may not know how to act on a first date...so here are some
suggestions to help you:
1. Everyone is not the "One".
Many of us desire to be loved and appreciated, but please hear me: just because
you have a great conversation and you sound like a great candidate for a
relationship...doesn't mean he or she is the one you
are intended for you to be with. We have to remember, that it's just
a first date, so don't plan your wedding just yet. And trust me, your date
will probably do something or say something that you will irritate
you to the fullest before the evening is over. It takes some time to
truly get to know a person and you're not going to know a person
overnight. This takes time. So take your date for what it is, enjoy it to
the fullest, and take it one day at a time.
2. Communication is key. I believe this
is the was one the most difficult things that men and women have to do, but
it's so important and vital when building the foundation in any relationship or
friendship. You have to communicate to be productive. How can men
or women understand each other, if we do not communicate our thoughts,
concerns, issues, likes, or dislikes, unless we talk? I believe we don't
communicate because corporately we are afraid of how we will be perceived.
We're afraid that someone will stop liking us, or they will get
upset. Look, if someone truly likes you for who you are, they will
respect what you have to say...seriously. So speak up...for real.
3. Be Yourself. Unless you're Oprah, Jay-Z, or Beyonce (naming these people are so random, LOL)
don't put on any heirs for anyone or try to live a lifestyle, that you cannot
live, just to impress a first date. Be you. If anyone cannot
appreciate your uniqueness, they don't deserve you. But please, please,
please, do not live in a lie to impress any man or women. Trust me, that
will come back to bite you in the you-know-where. Please, don't spend
money you don't have, or spend it to think you are going to get some extra rewards
later. This doesn't work either...and if that's what you went on the date for,
you never should have went on a date in the first place.
4. No SEX in the Champagne Room. Please my
brothers and sisters, do not have sex on the first date. First of all, you
don't know this person from Adam or Eve. You don't
know their sexual background, their sexual orientation (yes I said it), overall you don't know
anything about him or her. You are just getting to know them, so why would you
give them something so precious and valuable so soon? Understanding that
many of us could be lonely and desire a mate, and desire love, but this is the
wrong way to go about it. Like many of our mothers would
say use to say, "Be patient and wait." In
the meantime, it's great to date for all the right reasons, but do not, I
repeat do not, get yourself in a situation, that you won't be able to get out
of.
5. Scheming for a
Five-Star Meal I know women who won't go out with a guy unless he offers to
drop a week's paycheck on a multi-course meal. "That way I know that he
thinks I'm worth it," the gold-digging T.H.O.T type...I mean, the silly
women per say. News flash: If
you put a price tag on your company, you're going to end up with guys who put a
price tag on your company. That's illegal in most states, unseemly in all.
Aren't we all interested in getting to know each other?
6. Complaining About
Your Debt Toward credit-card companies, parents, loan sharks or anyone
else. When you tell a guy you're having money
trouble, what the guy hears is, "She's
looking for someone to bail her out." This isn't fair on the part of
the guy, it might not be realistic, but it's what a guy hears. So keep any
worrisome financial situations to yourself for now.
7. Analyzing The Ex This one is difficult to avoid, as it's a common question
posed by your date. The preferred posture here is one of mild regret,
hard-earned wisdom and cool disinterest. "We were headed in different directions" works, as does "I think I'm a different person now,
interested in different things." Are those vague and murky? A little,
but I promise you that they beat some of the more common responses.
These include: "He was a cold, cruel man, and I will never
allow myself to be treated like that again," and/or, "He didn't know what he had, and he will
spend the rest of his life mourning my loss." When you bad-mouth your
exes without taking any blame yourself for the failure of the relationship, men
think you're a woman who doesn't take responsibility. And that's not so attractive
especially if he finds out you played the role of the side chick. Yes it
happens more than you can imagine.
8. Don’t Share Your
Desire for Marriage and Children right off the Bat You yearn for a deep connection, enduring love and a partner
with whom you can stroll on the beach shores together as the years roll by? You
long to hear the delighted cries of toddlers, to feel the ineffable joy of
parenthood? That's sweet. That's really, really sweet. The problem is, if you
talk about it on a first date, chances are you're going to frighten the guy
away.
That might be because the guy will feel objectified, that he'll feel like
you see him less as a human being with hopes and dreams of his own and more as
a breeding machine. Or it might be because he's genetically programmed to
spread his seed and to unconsciously avoid any kind of life-long partnership
and can only be tricked into such an arrangement over time.
Who knows? It's a
mystery. The point is, this topic is best reserved for later.
But isn't it self-defeating and dishonest to withhold
information from a man in whom you're interested? If you can't share the most
intimate and genuine parts of yourself, aren't you setting yourself up for an
inauthentic relationship? Won't you be doomed to always be pretending you're
something that you're not? Some food for
thought ladies and gents.
9. Look Into Them A
Little Too Much a (Facebook No! No!) Preparing for a first date by looking the person up on all
social media channels is fine. But cyber-stalking to the point of ending up on
their Facebook statuses from four years ago? That's a little excessive. Knowing
too much information about the person can almost hurt you in a way - first of
all, you can easily slip up and give yourself away, and second, it removes a
lot of the mystery, which is the fun part.
Aside from that, "getting
to know them" via the Internet can give you the wrong impression
of them. Save that for real life. Common sense dictates “Real Friends, viable life partners and BFF’s are organically grown in
the Real World not in Cyberspace”. After all mother nature has a unique way
of bringing two people (compatible souls)
together. Problem most time is we tend not to listen to her out of superficial
biases created by unrealistic reality TV shows .
Ok, stepping off my soapbox. Enough ranting for
tonight...#signingoff
Please feel free to share what you think about Lady Yaz's article by posting a comment below…
Contact Lady Yaz @ lionessunleashed.wordpress.com and
or email bhswaney@gmail.com
Lady
Yaz is a talented feminine freelance writer, just one among a few new
female writers I will be slowly introducing to this site in order to
provide more balanced content to all my readers.
ABOUT DJ TUC:
Dj Tuc is a well known legendary respected ground
breaking dj, producer, promoter, remixologist, writer, freelance
photographer, emcee,businessman from the city of Anderson,SC and is the
founder and publisher of djtuc999.com the website and djtuc999 the
mobile apps which are available on Google Play and the Apple app store also visit our Official facebook page at Facebook/Djtuc999TheMobileApp.com
