9 Things NOT To Do On a First Date--Confessions From An Honest Woman!! (Lady Yaz Exculsive)

 

Forewords: Written By Lady Yaz & executively produced by Dj Tuc

Since I've been divorced, I have been on a few dates. Some have been great and some have been not so great.  Because of these experiences, I felt the need to encourage my brothers and sisters, and give a few pointers on what NOT to do when you are on a date with the opposite sex.  Now, here's my disclaimer. This article is not to bash men or women in any way. We all know that men and women are not perfect by any means. We also know that because of various circumstances, many may not know how to act on a first date...so here are some suggestions to help you:

1.  Everyone is not the "One".  Many of us desire to be loved and appreciated, but please hear me: just because you have a great conversation and you sound like a great candidate for a relationship...doesn't mean he or she is the one you are intended for you to be with.  We have to remember, that it's just a first date, so don't plan your wedding just yet. And trust me, your date will probably do something or say something that you will irritate you to the fullest before the evening is over.  It takes some time to truly get to know a person and you're not going to know a person overnight.  This takes time. So take your date for what it is, enjoy it to the fullest, and take it one day at a time.

2.  Communication is key.  I believe this is the was one the most difficult things that men and women have to do, but it's so important and vital when building the foundation in any relationship or friendship.  You have to communicate to be productive.  How can men or women understand each other, if we do not communicate our thoughts, concerns, issues, likes, or dislikes, unless we talk?  I believe we don't communicate because corporately we are afraid of how we will be perceived. We're afraid that someone will stop liking us, or they will get upset.  Look, if someone truly likes you for who you are, they will respect what you have to say...seriously.  So speak up...for real.

3.  Be Yourself. Unless you're Oprah, Jay-Z, or Beyonce (naming these people are so random, LOL) don't put on any heirs for anyone or try to live a lifestyle, that you cannot live, just to impress a first date.  Be you.  If anyone cannot appreciate your uniqueness, they don't deserve you.  But please, please, please, do not live in a lie to impress any man or women.  Trust me, that will come back to bite you in the you-know-where.  Please, don't spend money you don't have, or spend it to think you are going to get some extra rewards later. This doesn't work either...and if that's what you went on the date for, you never should have went on a date in the first place.

4. No SEX in the Champagne Room.  Please my brothers and sisters, do not have sex on the first date. First of all, you don't know this person from Adam or Eve.  You don't know their sexual background, their sexual orientation (yes I said it), overall you don't know anything about him or her. You are just getting to know them, so why would you give them something so precious and valuable so soon?  Understanding that many of us could be lonely and desire a mate, and desire love, but this is the wrong way to go about it.  Like many of our mothers would say use to say, "Be patient and wait." In the meantime, it's great to date for all the right reasons, but do not, I repeat do not, get yourself in a situation, that you won't be able to get out of.

5. Scheming for a Five-Star Meal I know women who won't go out with a guy unless he offers to drop a week's paycheck on a multi-course meal. "That way I know that he thinks I'm worth it," the gold-digging T.H.O.T type...I mean, the silly women per say. News flash: If you put a price tag on your company, you're going to end up with guys who put a price tag on your company. That's illegal in most states, unseemly in all. Aren't we all interested in getting to know each other?

6. Complaining About Your Debt Toward credit-card companies, parents, loan sharks or anyone else. When you tell a guy you're having money trouble, what the guy hears is, "She's looking for someone to bail her out." This isn't fair on the part of the guy, it might not be realistic, but it's what a guy hears. So keep any worrisome financial situations to yourself for now.

7. Analyzing The Ex This one is difficult to avoid, as it's a common question posed by your date. The preferred posture here is one of mild regret, hard-earned wisdom and cool disinterest. "We were headed in different directions" works, as does "I think I'm a different person now, interested in different things." Are those vague and murky? A little, but I promise you that they beat some of the more common responses.  

These include: "He was a cold, cruel man, and I will never allow myself to be treated like that again," and/or, "He didn't know what he had, and he will spend the rest of his life mourning my loss." When you bad-mouth your exes without taking any blame yourself for the failure of the relationship, men think you're a woman who doesn't take responsibility. And that's not so attractive especially if he finds out you played the role of the side chick. Yes it happens more than you can imagine.

8. Don’t Share Your Desire for Marriage and Children right off the Bat You yearn for a deep connection, enduring love and a partner with whom you can stroll on the beach shores together as the years roll by? You long to hear the delighted cries of toddlers, to feel the ineffable joy of parenthood? That's sweet. That's really, really sweet. The problem is, if you talk about it on a first date, chances are you're going to frighten the guy away.

That might be because the guy will feel objectified, that he'll feel like you see him less as a human being with hopes and dreams of his own and more as a breeding machine. Or it might be because he's genetically programmed to spread his seed and to unconsciously avoid any kind of life-long partnership and can only be tricked into such an arrangement over time. 

Who knows? It's a mystery. The point is, this topic is best reserved for later.

But isn't it self-defeating and dishonest to withhold information from a man in whom you're interested? If you can't share the most intimate and genuine parts of yourself, aren't you setting yourself up for an inauthentic relationship? Won't you be doomed to always be pretending you're something that you're not?  Some food for thought ladies and gents.

9. Look Into Them A Little Too Much a (Facebook No! No!) Preparing for a first date by looking the person up on all social media channels is fine. But cyber-stalking to the point of ending up on their Facebook statuses from four years ago? That's a little excessive. Knowing too much information about the person can almost hurt you in a way - first of all, you can easily slip up and give yourself away, and second, it removes a lot of the mystery, which is the fun part. 

Aside from that, "getting to know them" via the Internet can give you the wrong impression of them. Save that for real life. Common sense dictates “Real Friends, viable life partners and BFF’s are organically grown in the Real World not in Cyberspace”. After all mother nature has a unique way of bringing two people (compatible souls) together. Problem most time is we tend not to listen to her out of superficial biases created by unrealistic reality TV shows .

Ok, stepping off my soapbox.  Enough ranting for tonight...#signingoff

 Please feel free to share what you think about Lady Yaz's article by posting a comment below…

Contact Lady Yaz @ lionessunleashed.wordpress.com and
or email bhswaney@gmail.com

  Lady Yaz is a talented feminine freelance writer, just one among a few new female writers I will be slowly introducing to this site in order to provide more balanced content to all my readers. 

ABOUT DJ TUC:
Dj Tuc is a well known legendary respected ground breaking dj, producer, promoter, remixologist, writer, freelance photographer, emcee,businessman from the city of Anderson,SC and is the founder and publisher of  djtuc999.com the website and djtuc999 the mobile apps which are available on Google Play  and the Apple app store also visit our Official facebook page at Facebook/Djtuc999TheMobileApp.com